As our parents grow older we worry about their health.  Alzheimer’s, reduced mobility, strokes and heart disease – we focus on many of these things, but emotional health is just as important to keep in mind.  Indeed, social isolation has been described as the hidden killer, causing serious health problems which can have devastating consequences.

1.2 million people over 50 are classed as severely excluded from society, meaning they have very limited social contact. 400,000 of them are over 80 and with the increased limitations of age these people in particular are at real risk.

56% of people who are classed as socially excluded believe their health is not good.  Only 17% of the non-excluded feel the same, suggesting isolation can have a significant impact on wellbeing.

The Damage to Health from Loneliness

Everyone can relate to the emotional effects of loneliness, but the harm can extend far beyond that.  Clinical depression can develop – a genuine illness which is much more serious than just feeling low.  In many, loneliness can lead to drinking problems and often causes reduced levels of activity and exercise as well as poor diet.

Prolonged isolation can damage the immune system, leaving people more vulnerable to infections.  It can also affect the cardio-vascular system, increasing the risk of heart and circulatory problems.  Lack of social interaction has also been linked to the onset of Alzheimer’s disease.

Unchecked, loneliness can gradually sap health away from the elderly, reducing not only their quality of life, but its length as well.  This is why it is crucial to take action, even if your elderly parent is not keen on the idea.

Spotting Loneliness

Loneliness doesn’t appear overnight, which means it can sometimes be difficult to recognise.  Over the years your parent may become more isolated by small degrees.  Friends and relatives die or move away, mobility slowly starts to restrict activity and sometimes problems such as incontinence, deafness and fear of falling over can mean your parent spends more and more time stuck in their home.

When severe loss occurs, as with the death of a partner, we obviously become more alert to the emotional impact of that bereavement, but as time moves on and your parent begins to seem brighter than they were it’s easy to assume they have ‘got over it’ and adjusted to the change.  Very often, though, we mistake the absence of grief for recovery.  In reality, the longer-term damage of isolation may be starting to take a grip.

Of course many elderly parents will speak openly about their loneliness, but sometimes those who don’t are actually the ones suffering more, so what are some signs to look for?

• Body language.  Does your parent’s posture suggest a ‘defeated demeanour’?  Sometimes we can assume a lowered head or slumped posture is simply down to old age, but it could be expressing the emotional impact of isolation.  Look also for tightly crossed arms and legs.
• Highly talkative.  Someone who is lonely may well gush with chatter when they have the opportunity, as if they are making the most of a chance to talk.
• Prolonged holding of your hand or arm.  Sometimes the lonely will try to cling on to any opportunity for physical contact.
• Drab clothes.  We tend to think of clothes as a means of self-expression for the young and fashionable, but the way we dress can reveal a lot in old age too.  If your parent is dressing in dull clothes that make them merge into the background it could be a sign of loneliness.

Remember that the number of people someone sees doesn’t define loneliness.  It’s the quality of social contact which makes all the difference.  It’s an old truism that a bustling city can be the loneliest place of all because if you have nothing more than passing contact with others you can easily feel intensely lonely.  In fact, elderly people in rural communities can often feel far less isolated because of the close community spirit and interaction that still exists in many such places.

So, even if your parent has daily visits from, for instance, council carers, don’t assume this means they won’t be lonely.  Such carers will have many people to see and specific jobs to do; they often don’t have time for a proper chat and may even be different people on different days.

Dealing with Loneliness in the Elderly

There are many ways to defeat loneliness.  Remember that your elderly parent may well be in a depressive state if they are isolated and one of the symptoms of this is a lack of desire to socialise.  Consequently they may not be keen to make the effort, but you have to recognise the importance of breaking them out of this vicious circle.

• Phone Calls.  It sounds obvious, but in our own busy life it’s easy to neglect a very simple action.  A daily phone call if you live far away from your parent can make the world of difference.
• Local Groups.  There will often be groups existing in your parent’s community which he or she could join.  There might be day centres, lunch clubs, book groups, hobby clubs such as knitting or historical interest, or groups which provide outings for the elderly.  Ask at your local library, ring the council and look on the internet to see what’s available.
• Pets.  If your parent is able to look after a pet this can provide a much-loved companion as well as a sense of responsibility which can help your parent feel more positive and in control.
• Befriending Schemes.  These exist in various forms for the house-bound and isolated.  Ask your local Age Concern group, churches or social services to see what they offer.
• The Internet.  Getting your parent online can be a great way of beating isolation as well as providing excellent mental stimulation.  Find discussion boards relating to hobbies and passions and they’ll soon be interacting with other people who share their interests.
• Letter Writing.  Corresponding through a pen pal scheme or in the name of worthy causes such as Amnesty International can break isolation and develop a sense of usefulness.
• Alternative Therapies.  As well as interaction you should also consider therapeutic options to improve your lonely parent’s state of mind.  Aromatherapy and massage are not just fashionable spa options for the young!
• Adult Education.  You’re never too old to learn something new!  Not only does adult education provide intellectual activity, it also offers a great opportunity for social interaction.  You can see what your local authority offers or take a look at the University of the Third Age (U3A), which is a group of learning cooperatives for older people, designed to be interesting and fun!
• Holidays.  Maybe your elderly parent could take a holiday.  It’s easy for people to feel those days are over, especially if their partner is no longer there, but this can be the ideal way to escape the feeling of being trapped in the home.  Saga organises holidays specifically for older people.  If paying for such a break is an issue, you can try the National Benevolent Fund for the Aged, whose Breaks-Away scheme could help.  They also provide day trips.

Sometimes the most difficult part of tackling loneliness in the elderly is recognising it’s there!  It’s crucial to realise how serious isolation in the elderly can be, though, so be alert to the signs and be ready to take action.

Care for Body and Mind

Nobilis provides in-home care services in the Hampshire area.  We know from experience how important it is not simply to provide the physical assistance required by the elderly, but also to offer caring companionship for people who can feel isolated and imprisoned in their own home.

Whether you are interested in using our services or not, we are keen to help anyone who is concerned or unsure about their elderly relatives.  We’re happy to share our knowledge and offer the best advice we can, and we promise not to subject you to any sales pitch!

Call us now in confidence on 0845 8620647